Burning down the house with a straightener, and other irrational fears.

With or without reason, we all have fears (sorry Taylor Swift). Some scenarios are pretty universally horrific: like the time Porter had to go remove a bunny-sized bat from Natalie’s downtown digs after it announced it’s presence in a three-hour reign of rafter terror. Other situational paranoia is a little more motivationally vague.

Regardless of its origin, there are four real truths that come with our unique Achilles’ heels:

We are going to make fun of you.

When your best friend falls down a set of stairs, the next 60 seconds comes down to 20% “are you okay” and 80% “I wish my Snapchat had been open” breakdown. In the same way, our concern for one another is genuine…ly for self-entertainment.

Example A: I am terrified of burning our house down because I forgot to unplug my straightener. No, I was not burned as a child.  My dad is not a firefighter, and I have never even come close to starting an electrical fire that would wipe out life, as I know it. And yet, every morning Porter looks on in utter enjoyment as I come back up the stairs to double-check my vanity: my compulsive version of fire safety. Some mornings two checks wont be enough and I will need her second opinion assurance mid-downtown commute that I did, indeed, unplug my straightener. While there is a certain level of crazy associated with the request, she always obliges after an acceptable amount of “True Life: IM LIVING WITH OCD” jokes.

But we appreciate your special brand of weird.

Kleckley’s phobia comes with a host of weather-reading tools, an infatuation with Jim Cantore and an impressive understanding of exit routes from our coastal town (she can make it to Georgetown in half the time it should legally take you). As much as I love to call her at work when it looks like The Wizard of Oz outside, I also value the fact that she can always tell me the statistical probability that a house is going to land on me in the next 12 hours.

Natalie doesn’t like crowds. I’m sure this seems rational to those of you living in cyber world that don’t know her. But for a girl whose house we call “the crash pad,” a fear of too many people is a bit out of character.  Yes, our social butterfly has a unique blend of claustrophobia that rears its ugly head in crowded spaces… which is the environment we spend approximately 90% of our social life in. She is a shining example that conquering your fears is possible.

Fears are contagious. (See: Final Destination 1-5 and tell me they aren’t)

Porter is our resident pyro. She is a pro at building and dismantling our fire pit when we have people over. If I had to pick one of us that would make it on Fear Factor, it would be her. Which is why any anxiety involving flame is so unanticipated.  While I’m pretty sure no one has ever had their contacts melt to their eyes when they got too close to a bonfire, I do think that little, yellow triangle is there to remind wearers of flammability.  Now that I think about it that would be a pretty stupid way to go blind.

There is always one kid who knew Santa Clause wasn’t real first.

Our resident realist, Jeni keeps us as grounded as she possibly can. On uncertainties her policy is “know it to conquer it.” Like I said before, she’s our trump card and for as long as I have known her, she has given Lady Gaga a run for her “Poker Face” money.

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